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Turning Points… April 23, 2007

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I was always a good kid during my childhood.  A good student and a good daughter.  Wasn’t sure what went wrong during the high school admission exams.  Failed horribly that I couldn’t even get into a good high school.  Dad decided to let me go to junior college instead.  At least I got into a reputable English school and majoring in English for five years.

At the second year of junior college, I wanted to stay in school dorm.  Dad didn’t want me to live in school at all.  Mom ended up have to push dad to let me stay in the dorm.  One day in school, I got an emergency note saying that mom had a stroke and was sent to the emergency room.  Mom never woke up, passed away suddenly and none of us even had a chance to see or talk to her for the last time.  I still remember the day sending mom’s body into the fire.  At age 17, I lost mom.

I moved back home from school after mom passed away.  I had to move back home and cooked for dad every night since dad didn’t know how to cook at all and Chi was in the other city for college.  I learned cooking from mistakes as well.  The first fish I cooked wasn’t even well done.  Dad didn’t say a word and just ate the parts the are eatable.  I commuted between school and home with motocycle for the rest of junior college. 

After my junior college, dad sent me out to UNT for my bachelor degree.  I carried two luggages and came to the State.  At age 20, first time ever, I was in a foreign country all by myself with two luggages. 

School is always managable for me.  Got good GPA and scholarship after the second semester.  A huge relief for dad so he didn’t have to pay out of state tuition anymore.  I also worked part time through the college to get by with some of the living expenses. 

At the second year of college, my first boyfriend Steven Chi came into my life.  After a couple years of stable relationship, I thought this should be it.  Steven graduated and found a job.  He moved to UT Arlington for me to get my master degree.  After a trip back to Taiwan, Steven came back with a change of mind and decided to move to Irving.  I took a summer internship in New York and stayed in New York with Angela that summer. 

During my summer internship, my sisters called one day and asked me to go home immediately.  Dad was in the emergency room this time.  After I got home, dad was already out of concious and depended on the machines.  The doctor said it was just the machine.  Dad was gone.  The doctor said it’s better for us to sign the documents to stop saving him next time and let him go peacefully.  I couldn’t let go that night.  We stayed outside the emergency room for one more day.  Every time the emergency room opened, we will all dump out of our chairs and hope it’s not dad.  I watched the panics and fears on my sisters faces and eyes through the night every time the emergency door opened.  I was defeated.  Dad was suffering.  I signed the documents to let dad go.  At age 24, I lost dad. 

After dad’s funeral, I got back to New York to finish my internship.  The day I got back to Texas, Steven came and dropped the news that he was with someone else.  At the same summer, I also lost my first boyfriend….

(Although Steven tried to get me back for a couple of times later on, I couldn’t go back anymore even I tried.  Everytime he moved, he will call me and give me his new number.  I hardly ever call him, but he is always there when I need help.)

It was a painful year.  I cried to sleep and woke up with tears for a long period of time.  Almost gave up my master degree at one point.  Athos and Tania pulled me through the rest of my master degree and pulled me out of a bad relationship with J.S., a player who was just using me.  I pulled the trigger and ended the relationship after a couple of months.  I never regret going through this relationship.  J.S. showed me what a player is like so I can quickly spot one and stayed as far away as possible later on.  J.S. has a new born baby now.  However, once a cheater, forever a cheater.  I felt sorry to his wife.   

I started working after graduated from my master.  Jen and Funny came to Texas for their education after I have a job.  My life goal was to support both of my sisters through college for the following 5 years.  Work kept a continuous upward movement.  Also got my green card out of it.  Jen went through 2 master degrees and worked for Captital one for a couple years.  Funny also finished her bachelor degree during the process.  Life is so much better when you have family around and work toward a common goal. 

One more good thing that happens is Attila.  Attila is such a nice guy.  I have never had a boyfriend that everyone loves so much.  We dated for the two years when he studied in UT Arlington for his master degree.  He never wanted to stay after he finished school.  I don’t want to force him to stay here just for me.  Deep down in my heart, I know he doesn’t belong here.  It’s for his best to go back home.  We broke up after he moved back home.  He had been such a good family friend all these years (even he has a jealous girlfriend now).  He still helped my sisters and the kids when they need help.  I know I broke his heart when I decided to let him go.  I am very thankful that he forgives me and stays as a good friend with my sisters.  At age 28, I let go of Attila.

Notes April 7, 2007

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Can’t believe to see snow coming down this morning.  Hum…Snowing in Dallas on April…Such a weired weather…Cold….

Unpaid Leave:  April 23 – June 15.

Qualifying Exam: April 14-15. 

Maybe I can visit Athos in Chicago on June 16 – June 17 before getting back to work.

Aug 7, 2008 – Aug 24, 2008 – Yu Sisters’ trip to Beijing Olympics. (** Need to save money, book the air ticket and requests for vacation days.**Might need to budget for SanSan’s trip as well.) 

Funny needs tuition money for 2008.  (**Need to save and put the money aside)

Back From Taiwan April 4, 2007

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Angela finally completely her wedding banquets.  Grandpa couldn’t even remember me now.  Auntie had a stroke and is half-sided numbness.  Sansan is taller than me now.  Uncle is thinking about filing a divorce during a proposed marriage for his first daughter. 

It’s nice to be able to enjoy the food I miss so much, spend money shopping, see friends and relatives back home.  However, the trip makes me feel physically and mentally old.  Life in Taiwan seems to take its own steps moving in different directions during my absence.  All the changes hit me at once after all these years.  It’s hard to take it all at once.  Worst of all, there is nothing I can do about it.

Getting back to Dallas, dealing with jet lag, cumulated work and school, there is a corner inside the heart filling with sadness and won’t go away.  The brain constantly flashes with images from the trip.  Am I too selfish all these years?  Am I escaping family responsibilities for too long? 

Brother said to me, “wealth can be monetary or mentally depending on your definition.  You can make a lot of money in US, but if you consider family part of your wealth then there is a trade off between earnings and being with your family.”

Trade-off…